When I was an undergraduate student, I worked on campus.
One day I was having a conversation with my classmate who came by at my work. I don’t remember what we talked about but i remember I got really intense to win the conversation which later almost became a serious discussion-esque argument. Also I remember what my co-worker said: “I think your English is more than good enough to beat anyone in arguments.” As it’d been less than a year I came to the US, my English was just good enough for academic performance. My co-worker just joked about how enthusiastically I got into arguments with people, and never got easy with it despite the language barrier.
My neighbors, “the new normal” couple, argue like its their weekly routine. I started to think that they have to initiate a new religion. “Argue, argue, and you will find peace and love.” Because my apartment building has a very thin wall and they always have windows open, I can hear almost every word. Mostly it’s about nothing. But the guy (or “lady” to be respectful) can get very emotional and doesn’t afraid to show his(her) anger. I think (s)he gets as tense as i do in an argument.
I started to notice a sort of “set piece” as well. For example, in every argument, (s)he yells “I’m not crazy!! Leave me alone” several times. There’s always a slamming closet door sound, then slamming front door, and angry foot step. I can make music out of rhythm of this angry footsteps. Or should I create a mobile game Angry Footstep?!
Now that I think back, I really did get crazy when I argued with my exes. I admit it.
But dictionary defines “argue” as “exchange or express diverging or opposite views, typically in a heated or angry way.”
That’s right. It says “exchange.” You can’t exchange your view with yourself.
I hardly argue with my husband.
I think I can actually count times we argued for the past 4 years.
He really is like Confucius: smart, patient, well-mannered, and inspiring.
When I get into “the mood” he doesn’t respond. It’s not that he pretends or it’s his tactic. He just doesn’t get angry like normal people do because he has unique perspectives on subject.
He looks it from completely different way that people usually don’t think of, and doesn’t think it’s bad or a problem. It doesn’t bother him. So it’s usually just me who gets mad.
I figured his different perspective and infinite patience comes from his infinite knowledge.
I’m not praising him just because he is my husband. That’s usually what people say about him. He’s different and patient.
When I delivered my engagement news to my friends in Korea who never met my husband, they all said it’s gotta be somebody super patient and smart to marry me.
There are 2 reasons why we don’t argue.
1. It’s like I’m doing Lucy Van Pelt lines to a wall – either there’s no response or when there is one, it’s usually very calm and consisted of few words.
2. He makes perfect sense – if he responses with more than few words, he organize my argument and situation and he explain things which all make perfect sense. Although I get angry I remain pretty logical. But everything he says makes perfect sense.
As I’m writing this, I’m listening to my neighbors’ “sacred weekly mass.” I don’t want to cross the line, but for the sake of tranquility of other neighbors and themselves, I really want to put a post-it on their door. “Do not response. That will lead you two to peace.” If they’re smart, they’ll get it. Or should I be more direct and say “It takes two hands to clap”?